Has it ever been…?

So many things leave us wondering

Has it ever been that you sat on a pavement, helpless, and cried?
Has it ever been that you dug your head into a pillow so that the world won’t hear you scream?
Has it ever been that one bad thing reminded you of a lifetime of bad stuff and you just broke down?
Things get bad, then they get worse. Has it ever been that when things got bad, it really seemed they will never get better?

 

I hope, that when such a time comes, we find someone to talk to. Whenever the darkness seems unbearable, I hope we find a ray of light.
Today I pray for everyone, including myself, to find peace and love and hope in this world full of madness and inhumanity.

Chester will stay alive in our hearts and so will the many thousands and millions of people who battle depression and inexplicable sadness.
“… I cannot find a hobby and cure depression. I need to find a way to live, despite…”

 

— Poetic Musings —

Depression is a cheater of all sorts
It attacks me on my face, and behind my back
I try to smile, I keep busy too
But depression hits me where I lack

 

 

~ Talk. If you feel bad, talk. About anything. Nothing. Speak, because we don’t want to lose you.

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Let’s not wait

We wait to create something big, and we create nothing at all

We wait, to live big, and we don’t live at all
The pressure towards creating something perfect and becoming someone big is immense. We’re constantly on a lookout to find that one big thing, we forget a series of small things happening that might add up to a lot more. We want to be known, once and for all, but before that, the shadows are a comfort.

I often wonder why our generation doesn’t make friends easily, doesn’t trust easily. Why we, as a people, don’t want to share what’s on our mind. Perhaps, because we are so engrossed in thinking about all that might go wrong, we forget to forge bonds, relations.

What if my relationship reveals my weaknesses? What if my friendship affects my success…

We’re a generation of selfies and self-loathing. So much hatred for ourselves, we’d rather plunge ourselves into dark rooms and empty corners rather than accept inability or failure.

 
— Poetry —

He knew he will do something great, one day
And so, he did not want to do anything else, today
Loneliness pushed him out of this reverie.

 

~ We are self-destructive bombs walking around

Insomnia

There are so many things that don’t let me sleep at night

There is a voice in my head that keeps talking to me in low tones. It gets loud sometimes. It speaks to me of unspeakable things. Vile, terrible things.

It talks to me about my insecurities. It reminds me how vulnerable I am, in certain ways, on certain days. Insomnia robs me of the one blessing we humans have– a break from reality, an ability to forget for a while.

 

I remember the time when I was scared that I’ll amount to nothing in my life– what will my family say?
I remember the time when a pimple on my face mattered so so much.
I remember a time when I was scared of school next day.
I remember when I was scared of talking to people.
I remember a lot.
Insomnia doesn’t let me forget.

 

We all have things that don’t let us sleep at night. The trick to being okay with all these things is to accept being un-okay.

 

 

— Poetic Musings —

A chance at forgetting all that went wrong
Was placed in front of me that night
I sat on the chair, facing the solution
A chance at setting everything right

And then I looked at myself in the mirror
The person who I am today
Take away one wrong from my 25 years
And a lot will go astray

Hence I decided to not take that chance
Live with insomnia like old friends do
Fears and insecurities make us who we are
Thanks to our mistakes that we grew

 

~ Build yourself from what went wrong.

Exhausted

Kya aesi baat hai iss duniya me
Jo insaniyat he lutt gayi hai harr kisi ki

I am tired. No, I am exhausted at how insensitive and mean we have become. We are made of stardust and magic, and yet, look at where we are now.

I sit in a room full of people to feel most uncomfortable about the vibe that flows through it. The conversations are full of lies, the glares are competitive and there is barely a soul in sight that is accepting and generous.

What is inside us, or in this world, that has eaten us up? We’re hollow beings walking around, making a lot of noise to gain attention. We are nothing but a bunch of jerks making life harder than it already is.

It is scary, this world that we live in. The monsters don’t wear their masks anymore.

–Lost Humanity–

We worship a plethora of Gods
But we have lost the God inside
Meaningless existence becomes our life
We’re hollow shells yet full of pride

They tell me, find someone, settle down
How do I find humanity in this mess?
Humans are torn apart every day
And yet they tell me, don’t stress

It is a scary world around me
Full of light, yet monsters lurk around
So I choose silence, and dreams
And I don’t make a single sound


~ What have we become?

The never-ending cycle

You end up in the place where you escaped from

It has been long since I posted something online. Some things just never make it out of my phone drafts, some others are lost in notebooks or word documents– lack of staying put in one place over the last month.

Anyway, I went around the country searching for a pain reliever for my bad leg, and came back to where I started from, Delhi, my doctor of 10 years, and a search for work to keep everything else at bay.
I ended up where I started.
‘Ha-ha’, I can hear the cosmos laugh.

I prefer taking the train to visit places within Delhi-NCR- gives me time to read. Yes, I am a compulsive reader- guilty as charged. At times, when I am not reading, I see how people rush to work in the morning, rush home in the evening. It’s amusing– you all are going to end up where you are escaping from.

I have visited this topic of hurry before as well, it is just intriguing to see so many people, with such little patience and so less time.
If only we could all focus on being humans, and not machines.

— Poetic Musings —

Happiness knocked on my door
I was in a hurry, no mood to entertain
So I left for work from the back door

A neighbor stopped me to chit-chat
I was in a hurry, no mood for talks
So I pretended to be on the phone

My wife called me to discuss some matter
I was in my office, whiling my time away
So I hung up, with a message, ‘I am busy’

My child said, ‘play with me, please’
But I was working on a presentation
So I called his mother, it was her job

Every step of the way, I escaped nicely
And my last time is here now, I need family
They find time to be here, unlike I did

Death stands here, in front of me
I am not in a hurry, first time ever
But he respects time more than I did

 

~ I escaped only to reach where I was destined to be