As sacred as some relations might be, they aren’t always good for you.
Children are often taught the saying, “Blood is thicker than water.”
The original saying, however, was a little different. “Blood of a covenant is thicker than water of the womb.” It means that the bond you have with true friends is stronger than the one with family.
Which is an important thing to know. Especially for kids who are often insulted, and misbehaved with, by their own family. How helpful would it be for them to know that sometimes it is okay to feel more connected to friends.
But we don’t tell them that. We find it okay to let them feel terrible about not being able to connect with people who aren’t nice to them.
I just spent a week of family time. That meant a family of four on the table plus one stranger (me). And oh how painful that was!
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t tortured or anything, I just wasn’t understood, ever, in my 25 odd years of existence. My family doesn’t know what kind of music I listen to, what I read, that I write, that I love to travel or that I don’t like chocolates (cue gasp!). Hehe 🙂
My family did not even know what I did in life for the past six months. The professional pressures, the personal dilemmas. Nothing. If I were in pain, I was on my own. If it was an achievement, it was all mine.
They never chose to listen, so I learnt how to stay silent.
I sat and ate at a table with blood that has grown to be thinner than water for me.
I still remember the words, “Let’s see who will stand by you in trouble other than us…”
Last April, two people, at least, did stand by me.
Neither of them are related to me.
And I recall, my blood wasn’t around. Except the one that was infected and inside me– none other.
It is okay to teach your children to value your family, love them first, be there for them. This teaching works just find for my sibling whose connection is so perfect that it is almost disturbing. But, not all fingers are the same. So not all teachings fit well everywhere.
So if your child has the smartness to form tie of his own, encourage him/her.
Perhaps, as he/she grew up, you forgot to pay attention. And with growing up, your child also grew apart. Don’t punish him/her for that.
— Poetry —
I felt the farthest from family
Amidst conversations of my failures
As the ones I share a home with
Turned my life into a hell
I felt the most connected with people
When they looked at me as a person
When I was not a daughter or a son
But a human being, with disappointments
I was the most comfortable in life
When I could shed my roles and relationships
When it was okay to not be okay
And it was alright that I was a misfit
I have drifted away from my family
Because my experiences, opinions were never heard
Every time I gave a voice to my thought
I was hushed and told, “everyone else comes first.”
~ Your child is a human being first.