Being Nice

I worked on the premise, “how would I feel in this situation.” I was wrong.

Life is sometimes very hard. A fork in the road tests you as a person and what your path ahead would be like. Robert Frost talked of the road not taken, our parents spoke of how we must do what is tried and tested, and the world speaks of glory in the untried.

But what is it that we don’t hear enough of? The exact fact that we need to think of ourselves before anyone else as we make a decision that affects life, as we know it.

People call it selfish, name it a mean thing to do. But, given a choice, people will be looking at saving themselves first before looking out for you. Might as well learn the trick of the trade as soon as you can.

I operated on the premise of others first. I am now learning the rule of finding happiness, no matter what it takes.

— Poetic Musings —

Often I forgot about myself

Often I lived for everyone but me

Often I thought it was the right thing to do

Often I felt, being trapped, was sort of free

Then, silence taught me a lesson

That my words could never speak of

That comfort lies inside my soul

And happiness will be showered from above

I thought and thought and understood

Why a raging storm can uproot so much

We grow and stand up for reasons around

But for ourselves, we have nothing as such

Find peace inside the heart that beats

Find reasons to live like you mean it

Look inside, there is a universe there

Raging, waiting for you to find your spirit

~ So far, so good.

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You don’t belong here

Nor here, nor there. No where.

We are souls travelling through the world. We’re birds trying to forms roots like trees. And then we wonder, why are we unhappy.

A friend once exclaimed, “you should be in bigger places, doing better things” (or the opposite, I am not sure) and that made me wonder what makes us suggest who should belong where.

Time and again, at different points of time in life I have felt belongingness to a place or thing, and as time passed, the feeling did too. Is that wrong of me? Or is that just a part of growing, as a person, as a soul?

Our happy places are generally constant. And sometimes, those constants renew, change, not feel happy anymore. Is it wise to move on? Or loyal to stay put, despite no happiness?

Home is a place. Home is a feeling. So many versions, so many lines.

I just feel home is inside you, and with that, you can go anywhere.

*Belongingness*

They kept telling me

How important it was to belong

And I was here without any roots

Drifting along with life’s song

They kept scolding, find a place

Hold onto solid ground, stay

Yet I was the ever-changing river

Growing, flowing away

I knew you once, but you’ve changed now

Said an old friend of mine

Yes, I change every minute, for

Staying the same, isn’t worth the time

~ Do we belong anywhere?

Modesty

Modesty, a prized possession

You’re too modest. Or, you’re not modest at all.

Modesty, either way, earns us a comment for the better or worse. I am often told that my modesty could use a little toning down. And then, I have also heard that modesty is the virtue of the wise, the great ones.

So where do we draw the line. For too much or too less?

I have been toying with this thought for quite sometime now. And today I felt, let’s write it out. Maybe “thinking out loud” on my blog will help me put more sense into the thought of too much modesty versus too less of it.

You know that feeling when someone sings happy birthday, and you don’t know what to do — so you just stand there. That’s kinda the feeling I get at a compliment.

So I start off with the, loosely translated, modesty. Of accepting it. Or of “making sure that due credit for that compliment is given to concerned parties” speech.

So, modest. A bit much.

If I’d accept it (which sounds weird in my head), it will probably be too less or no modesty. Again, uncool.

Dayum, still no line found!

 

*Confused Musings*

I live on the line, I toe it sometimes

And at times, I miss it entirely

The balance of modesty, and that scale

Living in the extremes, quietly

Too much down low, or high above

There is a flavor in peaks and lows

The savoury emotion, that giddy feeling

Balance has none of these pros

Wise men, good men, great men balance

They perfect the living of life

For I am too small, an imperfect one

Far from perfection, my extremes suffice

 

 

~Gotta get there sometime, someday

Magic

Oh, how magical is it that I can see, feel and think.

A friend challenged me with the word “magic” for a poem. And this word is just so close to my heart that I thought blogging about it would be so much better. 🙂

I was 7 when I started forming my own thoughts and believing in magic. I believed in magic because it got me away from what life was. I still believe in magic because of the very same reason.

Magic is the beauty of how vast this universe is and how small I am, and yet, I exist. There is an entire body full of organs making sure I survive the very next moment… and the moment after.

Magic was in the moment when I first looked up at the stars and realized, wow. Centuries away, there is light that I can see twinkling. And I use the word ‘pretty’ for them.
Wow.
Magic, really. 🙂

 

*Poetry*

Magic was the first word I spoke
In a hushed voice, softly
It was something people called a lie
A fool’s hope, quite faulty

Magic was when I felt the chill
In the wind, during autumn
Everyone said, ‘no it is not so’
So I left my feeling forgotten

Magic was when I thought
How everything falls into place
We dream of a big man in the sky
And fight for the one without a face

Magic is in all our lives
Sometimes, we fail to see it all
Magic is there, when all else fails
To help us up when we fall

 

~ Magic is truly there if we believe in it

Will it, be it…

When you’re hungry for growth, you chew on work.
When you’re running for satisfaction, you grab onto lessons learnt.
And when you are willing to live, you fend off death with a will made of iron.

And that’s the will with which you live life. you don’t settle for less because you have to, you work for more because you can.

 

I have been questioned multiple times, “when are you blogging next, what will your next piece be about? Why haven’t you written in so long!?!”
Damn, because I write, and forget to save those bits of papers full of ideas and end up with nothing to type!

So today, I thought why not write about our will to climb up, to be better selves, our will to survive so much as we do, everyday.

A salute to the will of that old man who decides to travel every morning and make an honest living.
A salute to the will of that young child who dreams of making this world a kinder, better place.
A salute to the will of that young girl who stands up to fight against the growing competition and mounting loans.

A salute, to everyone, because we all have battles unseen. Battles that are waged, but no one hears of those victories, nor knows of the defeat.

 

*Poetry*

The world will tell you time and again
You can’t do it, it can’t be done
And once, you will fail, maybe twice
But never leave what you have begun

It is your will that will see you through
Your determination will make you stand
They might call you stupid, even foolish
And once you succeed, they will name it grand

Shout out to your will, your own uniqueness
A shout out to all the times you did not quit
A holler to all of you, for making it this far
A silent nod, you really deserve it

 

~ It is your life, your one chance. All it takes is a little courage and determination

I am not scared of dying

Fear is the one thing stopping you from living

 

Today, I shall write a prose
To describe what I saw in a girl
When she was a child
She played with me, she loved to laugh
Had dolls and sung a melody
Her hair were black, later I knew
Her dreams were black too
As we grew up, she grew a little apart
Her words changed, she lost her spark
Slowly she wasn’t the person I knew
Or maybe, I had lost my spark too

And now we are adults, she said, let’s meet
I thought to myself, let’s try to talk
And went to see her
At her favorite coffee shop
There she sat, dressed like a dream
Looking happy, pretty, like the child that once was
We sat, we chatted, and suddenly
A dark shadow came across her eyes
She showed me her wrists, and she smiled

“Look, look how many times i tried
It just wouldn’t happen, it won’t end
Nor would these bad thoughts leave me aside”

She told me, and went on, as I looked at her, surprised

“So I started lying to myself
I lied so hard, I thought I was happy
And then I thought, I should tell someone”

There I looked up with a tear in my eye

“Oh don’t cry, I don’t cut anymore
Nor do I want to kill myself
But one good thing that is now
I am not scared of anything
I live so much more now, believing I can
The lie is long gone, this is me
I live my life without a fear
And I am not scared to die anymore”

 

~ There are many people around you who are fighting a battle against depression and suicidal thoughts. And not many live to see the victorious side. Continue reading

What a world we live in

Everyone is unhappy today. Every one.

 

As we sit in our places, thinking about life, we will slowly come across this one small truth. Everyone is unhappy in their life. Somehow, in one way or the other, every single person feels dissatisfied about how life is panning out. Someone is unhappy at home, someone is unhappy at work. Some person might be unhappy about not having enough money, someone else might be unhappy about having too much and no one to share it with.

And all of these someones end up finding peace and motivation in … talks. Imagine, how atrocious is our world that we have started selling motivational talks and peace.

Humanity set aside, we have sold women, gods, religion, and now, mental peace.
You want peace? Come to us.
You want to find meaning? Come to us.
You are looking to live? Come to us.

My question is, why? Why do we need to watch people talk about how their journey was to understand what ours might be like? Why should some people stand up on a podium so that many others can listen in awe? Why should it be this way?

My love for the desert is widely proclaimed and well-known. Among many other reasons, one reason why I love the desert is because no one can follow the footsteps that are buried in the sand.

Your life path is yours. Somebody’s problems are not yours, somebody’s idea of peace cannot be yours either. And someone’s solution won’t fit into your life.

 

How monstrous are we, weaving a cocoon of problems in this world where youngsters are cutting free by slitting their wrists.
It is an easier way out. Because talks of peace and motivation just don’t work miracles. Not anymore.

Perhaps, one fine day, we will stop creating problems that do not exist. And then, not give solutions that are not needed.
No, you don’t have to be a rock star.
No, you don’t have to live a “perfect” life.
No, you are not supposed to be rich and famous.

Yes, it is alright to love and live the ordinary. 🙂

*Agitated Musings*

They called it a part of life
And said, live the misery
One day you will shine
And you will make history

No, no, no, no, no
It is all a lie you, my friend
Live you life today, happily
Because you don’t know when it will end

Don’t live for a tomorrow you never saw
On the words of a famous few
Make your own path, find your destiny
Live peacefully, in today’s truth.

 

 

~ The ordinary candle lights much longer than a fairy tale cracker.

You tax my blood

They like a strong woman, only if she isn’t the reality

I bleed every month. Like a million other woman on this planet. And every other month I feel, why only women? It is during this week that I know for a fact that the Lord Almighty is a man. And he stabs us every month for not being that.

And then to top the matters, we have men who claim to understand us. Men who claim to love the women of their society. Some even claim to respect them. But come this week and all respect goes out of the window.
The pleasure of condoms is tax free.
But the pain of me period is taxable.

The option of having sex is absolutely free, encouraged in fact.
But, if possible, hold your blood inside. Because if you don’t pay 28% extra, we won’t let you have your monthly cycle in a hygienic way. Why? Because men are too manly to admit that a woman can exist for something other than pleasuring him.

 

I have had men argue with me over how women get promotions. I have personally experienced favoritism in an office environment because men found me “pretty”.
Historically seen, there is so much that goes wrong because men cannot keep it inside their pants. But, if I step out, then the world might end.
So clip her wings, don’t let her fly. What if she makes this world a better place?

–Poetic–

A balance of energies was needed
Males had ruled long enough
“Revenge first”, she said.

 

~ Don’t push for vengeance when you need a balance.

 

Happy Independence Day

Saffron, white and green. What a tacky choice of colors.

As is the rule of social gatherings on special occasions– meet, greet and leave. I attended a color-coded get-together of acquaintances. The agenda? Independence Day.

I received the invite to this event last week, stating we must be our ethnic best in the shades of the tri-color. Though it wasn’t necessary to have all three, only one color would also suffice.

As the enthusiastic person that I am, always ready to dress up, I chose to wear all white. A sprinkle of saffron and green with the dupatta. And careful accessorizing with the bangles. Perfect. I felt confident, and left home to reach the venue.

Lo and behold! People pointed and looked amused. My pride was slowly fizzling out, with each stare and whisper. Are we, as a nation, so ashamed of our flag? So ashamed to show that we love our country?

Well, with the behavior that I witnessed, I felt ashamed. I removed my bangles, stuffed the dupatta in my purse and wiped the smile off my face.
I belong to a nation of ashamed cowards.
I belong to a nation full of bullies.
And, I am ashamed of it.

 

– – Poetry – –

गोरे तो दुश्मन थे, राज करके चले गए
इन भूरे देशवासियों को तो देखो ज़रा
गोरों ने तो गैरों जैसे सामने से वार किया
इन भूरों ने तो देश ही खोखला करा

आज देश को कोई नहीं देखता , एक जुट नहीं हैं हम
एकता तो हर कवी के कागज़ पे ही मिलती है
तिरंगे में लिपट के फौजी आ तो जाता है
पर ज़िन्दगी उसकी आज भी मज़हब के शिकंजे में है

 

~ ना मिलाना भगवा और हरा रंग, कहीं खून ना बह जाए फिर से…

A twist of fate

Life has a strange way of mocking us

The last month was a turbulent one. I barely kept a track of time or weeks as they passed and never gave it a thought either. Travelling, working, running around in a spiral. Ending up where I started.

Fate is the best suspense of our lives. It changes, and changes again before we know how to react or what to do. Fate can be a pain in our ass. It can also land us in situations which feel heavenly. And it fills us with disbelief. Like, what the bloody hell is happening!

I have felt that on many occasions in life. Mostly good, sometimes bad. All about perspective, I have felt. So I tried to have a good perspective about how fate has been treating me. Surprising me. Creating a comedy out of life, the tragedy, as I know it.

 

Quoting my favorite book, ‘Oh, Toto! I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!’

 

–Poetic Musings—

 

The tornado flew me high up in the sky
Round and round and round it went
I landed in a place unknown, far away
Something for which I wasn’t meant

New place, new people, felt so strange
I wasn’t home anymore
I dusted myself off, took a deep breath
And began to face what I hadn’t faced before

Destiny has strange ways of shaping your life
It will never remain constant, be very clear
Draw a smile on your face, and learn to walk
There is nothing that you need to fear

 

 

~ Fate made me a person I don’t recognize